SEP
18
St Martin's Church
St Martin’s Church Centre
Church Street
Liskeard
Cornwall
PL14 3AQ
Tel: 01579 347411 (Church Office)
Email: St Martin's Church 
Facebook: LiskeardPrayers
Twitter: @liskeardprayers
Click here for our church services
Rob Frost Photography,
Ward Randall Limited, Chartered Accountants and Registered Auditors
Well Being Centre, Pigmeadow Lane, Liskeard, PL14 6AT. Tel:01579 344090

An accountant dies and goes to Heaven

He reaches the pearly gates and joins the back of a long queue. However, St Peter rushes up, grabs him by the arm and took him straight to the front of the queue.
"I'm so pleased to see you and God is really looking forward to meeting you too."

The accountant is perplexed and replies. "I've tried to lead a good life, but I’m totally amazed by your welcome”.

"It's the least we can do” says St. Peter, “after all, it’s not often that we get someone who’s lived to the ripe old age of 146”.

The man looks even more confused. "146? But I’m only 58 years old."

St. Peter looks at him strangely, "But that can't be right. Based on the time you’ve charged your clients you must be at least 146 years old!"

Appraisals

A managing director was assessing his managing team.

First, he called in the production director. "I'm assessing my management team", he says, "so tell me, what's two plus two?" The production director gets out his calculator, taps away for a bit and then announces his answer: "allowing for wastage, about 3.9".

Next he calls in the sales and marketing director. "I'm assessing my management team", he says, "so tell me, what's two plus two?" The sales and marketing answers straight away: "In a good month it can be as much as 5, but in a bad month as low as 3."

Lastly he calls in the finance director. "I'm assessing my management team", he says, "so tell me, what's two plus two?" The finance director jumps up from his seat, creeps over to the door and opening it quickly checks that the corridor is empty. He then closes it quietly, turns to the managing director and asks, "Why, what do you want it to be?".

Count on us

Did you know that there are three types of accountants?

Those of us who can count, and

those of us who can't.

Definition of an accountant

Question: What's the definition of an
accountant?

Answer: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand

Extrovert

Question:
How can you tell an extrovert accountant from an introvert one?

Answer:
He looks at your shoes instead of his own.

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